Kissed by the Baddest Bidder -- No Spoiler Review

 Kissed by the Baddest Bidder

System: Switch, Phone 

Price: $24.99, Pay Per Route (Unknown price) 

Voice Acting: No 

ESRB Rating: M (17+) 

Overall Rating: Stole 7/10 ♥s 

Pre-Game Perception: Human trafficking, full of forced servitude and toxic romances with rich men.

Morning-After Reflection: A surprisingly fun and light-hearted game about rich people doing shady things because of backstory secrets.

Story: “Working at Japan’s first hotel & casino, you stumble upon a black-market auction, and end up as one of the items for sale. “I’ll let you decide who buys you.” Five men place the winning bid, and now you’re completely at their mercy…”

Interest Rating: 6.5/10. Countless reviews I could barely skim through due to massive amounts of spoilers warned me to stay away from this title. With so few titles on the Switch at the time, though, I made the purchase.

MC: Here we have another eyeless MC. Voltage is big on the phone, so it’s no surprise this is another phone game ported over for the Switch. MC doesn’t come with a set name, you have to enter both a given and surname. She doesn’t exist outside of CGs - no sprites - and of course no voice as this title isn’t voiced at all. She appears to be average as a self-inserter MC, about 5’4”, brown hair, and bangs entirely too long to hide that she ain’t got no eyes. There’s not a whole lot to work with on personality or background, due to the blank MC template in order for self-inserting. We don’t want our women to be too discernible from the average otome consumer… or something. Unfortunately, not being the average Japanese woman, relating to blank MCs is more difficult for me than being presented with a set personality that I can get behind.

I’m actually super conflicted on this MC. Kissed by the Baddest Bidder was the third title I played when I started my otome journey, and the blankest MC I had played at the time, so I have a love/hate relationship with her. She mentions, like once in a later season, that she has parents, so she isn’t completely void of outside relationships. I don’t think her age is mentioned, but she appears to be in early adulthood based on comments made by other characters and herself. She’s very much a maiden in distress, constantly needing to be rescued (if the premise of the game doesn’t give it away). MC has a weak personality that is very simple to understand. When I say weak personality, I mean like wispy, like it’s barely there in order to not be too aggressive for those that self-insert. If she had strong opinions and convictions it would be harder to agree with choices that are out of character for the average person. But, besides all of that, I… still… like… her... MC is a good person, but not without faults. What we are given seems entirely normal to me. Maybe not what I would do, but I can see an average woman making those decisions and taking those actions.

Likability Rating: Ryo. Blank-slate MC leaves much to be desired. However, she’s not entirely unlikeable, perhaps because she’s still a little me even when she’s not.

Plot: I’m not going to defend this game by explaining how MC ends up being sold at a black market auction, because it happens. If you’re the type to be put off by financial slavery, I suggest you avoid this title, it is the whole premise of the Season One Main Story. If you can accept it and move along, or even be intrigued by it, I think it’s a pretty good game. Ridiculous in so many aspects, but good. I’ve played games with country-wide terrorists, time-traveling games, vampire games, and games with steampunk and alchemy. I’ve played many “out there” games, but this one is probably the most ridiculous because it’s supposed to be present day, present time. It’s like the writers went: “What can we do to make this a super cool drama? Yeah? That sounds good, but what if we just…” And they pushed the envelope even more so that it was truly unbelievable. I think that’s the draw for me, I have such good thoughts about this game because of how many times I threw my hands up in the air and yelled “Of course!”

I got a little off course there. Back to the game! The premise is pretty much the only thing the same between stories. Each route tackles a problem individual to the LI. Some of their issues bleed over into other routes, but for the most part they are passing mentions that don’t involve the other stories. Season Two Prologue brings a new premise for the next set of stories, so everything gets bundled together again for you to split off on another path. It was a little weird in the next prologue, because they make it seem like the MC is dating everyone in order to not exclude anyone in the story so you can flow from one season to the next and they don’t have to make separate prologues per character. I really appreciate that the stories aren’t super same-y, so I can imagine that each route exists separately from the rest and I’m not just running the same path.

Replayability Rating: ★★★★☆ Different plots and conflicts for each LI make this game easily replayable.

Love Interests: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder brings you five fun-filled fellas. Erm, I mean five fantastic-- no. Hmm… Not friendly, either. Five guys. Let’s just go with five guys. There are five of these guys, and they are all incredibly rich and out of reach for a normal person like you or me. Assuming you are normal like I am. You start with the prologue for Season One, which gives you the most basic of backgrounds about the MC and where she works; the world is a modern day setting so there’s no need to explain any of that. Once you finish the prologue, you are now bought by one of these bad boys. You actually pick the LI route before playing the prologue, however, you can easily switch if you decide you’d rather be owned by someone else.

There are two endings per playable route, the Good and the Happy. Voltage tends to lead you to a good ending no matter what your choices are, just one has a CG and is better(?) than the other. There isn’t a meter to determine what ending you’re headed for, and nothing for getting both, so just aim for the Happy End unless you want to complete everything for no other reason than story. There also isn’t a recommended route order since the stories typically do not converge save for between seasons where they have to meet for the new prologue. Pick whoever you want and jump around from one unbelievable romance to the next. Today I’m going to introduce you to these dudes in the same order the game does. Which means we start off with…

Eisuke Ichinomiya! Fitting that the poster boy is the first the MC is introduced to and first we’re going to do today. I mean, I’d do him. No reason not to. I actually saved him for last when I played through because I figured he was the “true” route and would have more care given to his story and character. This wasn’t the case, and that was nice. You could literally end up with any guy and it feels canon. But screw those other guys for now (or later, hueh hueh hueh). Have you ever wondered what it’s like to date a billionaire? I honestly hadn’t, but this game gives you that ability. Eisuke is rich. Filthy f*cking rich. He owns the hotel MC works at. He owns more than that, but what’s important is he is not only out of your league, but also your boss’ boss, or boss’ boss’ boss, or something convoluted. I guess that makes him a double owner of you, since not only do you work for him, but he actually bought you. Can you say power dynamic? I can, and I love it. Get ready to “yes, sir” and obediently follow directions as this man isn’t used to people telling him no. I really liked this route, and Eisuke as a character. Maybe that says something about me, or maybe it’s just that there’s more to this cold-hearted CEO than meets the eye. And god do I eat that up. Make me feel special and I’ll hit the ship button with nearly anyone.

Oh boy, then comes Mitsunari Baba. I wouldn’t say he’s the exact opposite of Eisuke, but he certainly is different. First, he makes an impression with that red suit jacket of his. Second, he is painted as a womanizer in the prologue. I mean, they’re not wrong, he is. He is also probably the nicest of your LI choices. Oh yeah, and a thief. Modern day Lupin, as they coin during the game several times. I wasn’t overly interested in playing Baba’s route, even if he was pretty okay in everyone else’s route. I don’t really like his aesthetic, and found that his womanizing ways make him seem less sincere in most conversations to me. Plus, the fact that he kind of creeps on you at the beginning of the prologue then abandons you made me iffy about what was to come in his route. Surprisingly, though, I actually liked it. It was probably the most ridiculous of the ridiculousness this game has to offer; but I had fun. Isn’t that what’s important? He’s a flirt, comedic relief, and sweet, and effortlessly stole my heart like the talented thief he is.

And then you have Ota Kisaki. Boy is he cute! I mean, he looks cute, but cuteness is not something that he expresses. Looks are certainly deceiving when it comes to Ota. He has been in popular media for a long time, so he knows how to put on a face for the cameras, but he’s got a mean streak in him. He’s the youngest of the group, and everyone treats him like he’s still a kid. Which is a bit odd, seeing as he’s 24 and the next youngest is 28, so there really isn’t that big of a difference in age. He does call certain people everyone old, as well, so I think the writers were attempting to make him feel like he’s still childish. But really, he seems like an average early 20-year old to me. Especially one that lives as an artist, as Ota does. He kind of does his own thing and floats around without much responsibility. I liked him. I liked his route. It was a different feel than the others because there wasn’t some huge life or death scheme to be dealt with.

Oh, Soryu Oh! I couldn’t help myself… I am ashamed. Soryu is the most intimidating LI of the bunch. He’s a big bad mob boss. Scary, right? And he bought you! Let’s just add that he doesn’t particularly care for the company of women, so he doesn’t like you right off the bat. Not that you guys had anything going for the two of you to become fast friends, or anything. If you have a thing for dangerous men, he’s probably as dangerous as they come. Sit down, shut up, and play along with this one, I think it’s well worth it. The tougher the nut, the sweeter the meat, right? Also, his hair-down sprite is incredibly sexy, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!

Mamoru Kishi is the last of the men to be met. The chain-smoking, sloppily-dressed detective is an actual lawman, even if he doesn’t seem like it. I laughed too hard in this route; I don’t think they intended for it to be as funny as I found it. All the circumstances and Kishi’s reactions were just… too good-- too relatable to not feel right at home here. There is a weird age gap or maturity level difference that is pointed out in the writing and by Kishi several times, and I didn’t quite get what they were aiming for with that as he’s only 30, and MC is (maybe) around 22. Maybe younger? I didn’t think she was very young. And Baba had no issue with the age difference when it was easily over a decade between MC and him. Anyways, if I ignored all those times Kishi infantilizes the MC, I was pretty cool with this route. I was left with warm fuzzies overall.

Boy Crazy Rating: 88%. I liked them all and fell into the husbando fantasy. I’m keeping these boys.

Romance: You want romance? This game is chock-full of it. It really doesn’t seem that that would be the way Kissed by the Baddest Bidder would go, but it does. The initial story may not be super romantic, but there are enough sweet, cute, or steamy moments in the main story that I think it does just fine. Every story thereafter certainly has plot and conflict, but the couple in question is undoubtedly in a relationship, and not just in name. The only issue I have with the romance in KbtBB is that it tries really hard to be both dramatic and slice of life, and it doesn’t pull it off super well. So, you’d expect there to be like dates and whatnot, because apparently that’s what women want, but there aren’t that many actual relationship building moments that aren’t steeped in drama. I like drama, but I also want that sweet stuff without it always coming because of adrenaline fueled feelings.

Heart Palpitation Rating: B. Solid feelings of the warm and fuzzies. With a few later stories amping up the feels.

Spice: There were moments, but this is one of the more tame Voltage games I’ve seen so far. The company tends to toe the line with just how much they can talk about the f*cking while still being tasteful which I’d rather they didn’t worry about because I’m cool with all the explicit details probably to appease thirsty young women without offending the more delicate fanbase. Plus, it’s a Switch game, so there are all sorts of laws about just how much D can be talked about, especially in relationship to the V. What you end up getting is flowery language about sex scenes, and a lot of fade to black without explicit CGs or writing. However, there are more than enough instances of heated, sexually charged situations that I’m okay without the deets. Teh secks happens. And shirtless sprites. Lots of shirtless sprites. If someone glances at you playing, they’re likely going to think it’s more racy than it really is with the amount of half-naked men you see.

Cold Shower Rating: Pass. Enough sexy times that a refreshing cool shower could be nice, but not enough flavor to give me hot flashes.

Angst: What exactly constitutes angst? Can you really be angsty if you know there’s a happy ending waiting for you? Does the ridiculousness of a game cut the angst level, or is it more angsty because the resolution is unexpected? These are the questions I have to ponder with every review, and this one is making me angsty. It’s a soap opera. It’s angsty, it’s dramatic, it’s ridiculous, and it’s a pretty solid story, imo. The characters are a bit flat, with backstories that slowly are built up, but almost added as an afterthought like glaze on a muffin in order to make it sweeter. If you’re looking to cry, this is not the game for you. If you want some action-packed chapters, this is more that style. Initially, every LI is pretty angst-driven. Some stories mellow out, some get more complicated. I’d give it a middling level of angst.

Drama Llama Rating: 6/10. The drama llama is in a bad mood today. Watch for spitting.

Voice Acting: Nope. The end.

Expression Rating: N/A. Can’t rate what isn’t there.

Art: I think the art in this game is decent, if not leaning towards pretty good. Sprites have a few different outfits, a few different poses, and different facial expressions. There are a surprising number of backgrounds for a game that primarily takes place in a hotel. The style is just fine with me, but then again, I’m cool with a lot of different artists’ styles. Because it is a phone game that ported to the Switch, it isn’t super high quality. It’s isn’t the most detailed or gorgeous game I’ve played, but I can’t really complain about what we’re given. Typically I consider the price when considering the quality of the art, and since this game is not free, the art is alright. I wouldn’t expect anything more, but would be disappointed if there was less than what we’re given.

Still Picture Rating: ★★★☆☆ Many dated. Such background. Very expected.

CGs: Much like the art, the CGs are what I would expect from a phone-turned-console game. The pictures are more detailed than the sprites and game background, but it isn’t what I’d consider breathtaking. It’s good! It’s just not great. I do enjoy that some CGs are actually bigger than the screen size, so when you look at them in the album, they extend past what you can focus on on the screen. There doesn’t appear to be any wonky anatomy, making this slightly better than other Voltage games I’ve played in that sense.

Look at this Photograph Rating: 82%. Good choice of CGs and good design make them nice to look at, but I haven’t wanted to browse them outside of when I was playing the game.

UI/Mechanics: Super simple UI and no special mechanics. The main menu is set up in an easy to use manner. Getting to the menu is simple; there are reminders for button prompts everywhere. Loading and saving is simple. I had absolutely no issues navigating this game, and it was only my third title I played. Visually, the UI is basic, clean, and simple. No complaints. There isn’t a love meter in this game, so you’re left guessing where you’re headed until you get to the ending. The game autosaves between each episode, keeping your last chosen options as the selected ones, so there isn’t a huge need to save between episodes if you don’t want to. I still would. I’m a bit paranoid. The touch features on the Switch are a nice addition.

What’s this button do? Rating: B. Standard navigation skills required. Nothing complicated. Nothing exceptional.

Errors: The translation isn’t bad, and there were no major coding errors that I noticed. It’s basic English that most readers could comprehend without additional intellectual language to flower it up. I’m sure there were spelling, grammar, and a few punctuation errors, but I’m not recalling any at the moment. It’s been a good while since I played this title, but nothing stood out enough that I would remember for stories to share. I didn’t take any screenshots to laugh at later. I think this one deserves a passing grade.

Here there be Bugs Rating: Pass. Your usual bug report. Likely some minor issues, but nothing I can clearly remember.

Background Music: Heh. Well now. I truly couldn’t live without the BGM in this game, for this game only. I wouldn’t want to hear it outside of the game, probably ever. But in game, this BGM is well suited for the crazy game it is. It’s over the top and at first I really didn’t think I was going to like it, but as the story unfolded I found it PERFECT. I couldn’t not play the game with the sound on. I had to.

BY OUR RATINGS COMBINED!: Oh ho! You thought you were done, didn’t you? Don’t worry, this will be short. Sometimes my individual ratings do not always add up to my overall rating; this is because I find a reason to rate the game based on things that are not listed in my (very) long review. I couldn’t section everything. Sometimes price factors in. Sometimes personal tastes. Basically, what it comes down to is would I buy this game knowing everything I know? Would I recommend it to a friend? Yes. Although this title is rated rather low, I'd buy it all over again. I believe I got it discounted when I did purchase it, but I'd be willing to pay full price if someone gave me the review I just gave for this game. It would be a little on the high side for me, but I'd put the money down to support the industry. Would I recommend it to a friend? Yes, though I'd tell them to watch for a discount. Just because I can throw money at these guys doesn't mean everyone can, and as I said earlier, $25 is a bit much for a title with everything it's lacking.